Thoughts on thoughts March 12, 2010

Several weeks ago things were reaching a breaking point for me.  Stresses were mounting and having two young kids was pushing my mind to uknowable places.  I couldn’t get anything done, even though both kids are in school three days each week.  At one point, my husband asked me if I wanted him to take the kids out for a few hours.  That offer is like GOLD in our house, but in that moment I had a flash:  it’s not the kids, or work, or money stress that I needed a break from, it was my own mind!  I suddenly felt claustrophobic in my brain and knew I needed to GET OUT.

Luckily, I didn’t immediately get drunk and stoned, but rather, silently committed to meditating the next chance I got.  I used to have a regular practice but haven’t done a formal sit in ages.   Just making that decision gave me some breathing room.  Of course, when I sat down to actually do it, I found it wasn’t like riding a bike;  I had to go back to square one.  I don’t know if you’ve ever meditated, but it’s hard!  When I’m rusty, I literally have to sit there breathing and saying, “I am breathing in.  I am breathing out” in my mind.  Or I try to take 10 breaths thinking nothing more than the number breath I’m on.  I almost never make it to ten the first few times, and I make myself start over.

Sometimes doing energy work goes better for me.  I imagine grounding my energy and then doing all sorts of energetic tasks with my mind.  I learned this from my friend Eileen, an amazing and truly psychic person.  She would say something like, “Imagine a ball of energy spinning in a ball at the base of your spine”, and I would, but would have a golf ball size in my head.  She’d go, “no a little bigger… bigger…  yes!  That’s it, keep it that size”.  Like she could see exactly what I pictured in my mind.  I always felt noticeably different after a session.

Here is one of my favorites:

I picture my aura- a golden light out about 18″ from my body.  I start to notice a gossamer web all around it.  In the web I can see (imagine) all the debris that other peoples’ sloughed-off energy has stuck in it.  Sometimes it is really mucked up, and sometimes it’s just a few pieces of random litter.  I imagine taking it off like a poncho and shaking it out, then letting a cool cleansing breeze blow through it.  I throw it on again (again, like a poncho) and let it settle over my aura again.  I always feel great after I do this.

As for a truly meditative state, I’m lazy.  I like to get a Shirodhara treatment- one if the Ayurvedic therapies I’ve talked about. You get warm oil poured over your forhead for roughly 35 minutes.  It may sound simple but it’s incredibly profound.  According to Ayurveda, our thoughts are the most subtle form of matter, and can be physically manipulated.   We talk about them racing or churning or perseverating, suggesting that they can move, and be moved.  The oil is poured on your third eye, and the activity center of your brain.  Eventually, no matter how hard you try, you can’t stir a thought.  It’s crazy:  you’re awake but you’re not thinking about anything!  All sorts of questions arise, but of course, you can’t think them until after the treatment.  And at the end when you get up, you’re like, ….what the…?  …where?  …and how long was I…?  It’s pretty awesome.  For most people with a brain, the shiro-induced meditative states are deeply healing.  And they are particularly good for anyone who as any kind of anxiety, insomnia, and stress-related issues.

All this is to report the good news:  I no longer feel like I am teetering on the edge, but thanks to meditation and all the other changes I’m making, I feel much better.  I’ve ben trying to sit for at least 5 minutes every day.  It really is a gift to take 5, or 20 minutes out of your day to clean your aura, take some deep breaths, and get out of your own brain.

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